the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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