i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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