nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
