yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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