why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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