I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
