this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
My feet surprised me
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