Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Randomize
