My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
50% drunk capacity currently
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
