it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
