I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
