Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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