Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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