All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love accidental penises.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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