he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
if i died would you start the facebook group?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
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