I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
