i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
