The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
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You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
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I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
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