Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
