I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
