ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
