I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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