he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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