Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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