update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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