are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
