I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
