I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
