member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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