just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
