She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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