If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
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