It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
No stitches, just platelets and will power
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
