No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
