How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
