I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Maybe he injected his testicle?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
