Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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