Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
