Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
please come you make the beer taste better
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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