the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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