my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
