That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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