Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
