I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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