I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
