I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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