i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
