just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I don't deserve a penis
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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