but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
