I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
