We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
