Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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