she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
