I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
