Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
His nipple licking is glorious
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