Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
There's always time for handjobs
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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