My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
