Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Just pee around me
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
