This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize