He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
