Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Randomize
