I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
