I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
