she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
