"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
