I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
