both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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